The Karmora Papers

Part Two: Boondock

Chapter Sixteen

BOONDOCK

hh, Boondock!...the land where planned communities were planned, where compact astrocars were compacted, where chewpores were taught how to laugh, and where small alien children often grew up into lunch facilities.

Boondock!...where people of all races and molecular configurations came to rudely point at one another’s oddities, where biodegradable gastropods could legally clone themselves in order to win prizes on galactic game shows, where laundry was freely traded in outdoor markets, where Simus The Lo had once held court with a retinue of a thousand brushed and broined atmosperms, and where the surviving populace of Mokus 4 regularly gathered to celebrate the historic Megacide Rally.

Boondock!...a haven for good buys and bad guys alike, for there were no laws here, only local customs -- which changed with the whims of the inhabitants, of which, of course, there were none. Boondock! Its name was even a paradox. Roughly translated from the tongue of the Latent Hemroids of nearby Tum’s World it meant "kcodnoob" which, in Intergalactic Laymans Language, means "boondock." Its people, of which there were none, were nevertheless friendly and curious. As a planned community itself, so they had been intended. There were neither wars nor strife here; they weren’t permitted...and everyone was usually out clobbering one another, anyway.

An ideal spot for rest and relaxation then. Well, yes and no. Or rather, yes or no...since according to local whim one had to decide before arriving; and the special Chamber of Commerce luncheons and Gritility treatments were always geared towards that decision.

Boondock! There was but one in all the galaxy...all others were spelled with only one "b."

The planet was a syntho-world, and as such had its own Erudation and Evaporation Facilities. Today they alchemized a line of late 20th Century cosmetics from galactorocks... yesterday, via telespore, they reconditioned an anonymous settlement’s sewage ingestion system... tomorrow they caused every man, woman and shoe on Tum’s World to blink, although not necessarily all at the same time.

So they were diversified as well as frightfully powerful. And it was to these Boondockos of Erudation and Evaporation that Quand 20E had appealed for assistance " not for altruistic reasons, which didn’t exist as a concept there, but rather as a good will gesture from a planet full of non-existent deviates.

Always full of surprises, the Boondockos consented to help.

To otherworlders, the two holog-rockets appeared apparitional, but to Quand 12 -- who since last chapter had tapped in on a thought tendril from Saturn to Boondock -- they were welcome diversions. He learned that they had been conjured up by the Boondockos to appropriate the space semi’s time-floss zone. The folks from Pluto would be occupying a different dimension in no time at all.

Mad Luigi watched on the Lookout-o-phon as the blip which was the aerobus passed between the two interloping blurms with no ill effect. But as the trailing blip which was the space semi approached, it and the two blurms vanished.

A crackling signal booped onto the Scramble-o-phon and the astroscrambler converted it to Terran.

"Pops and Tinkle here...."

It was the ship from Pluto.

"We’re about to intercept the aerobus ... just fired a Charbeam across her bow but she didn’t stop ... now we’ll burn ..." (astrostatic) "... ’ait a minute ... there’s two new ships out there ... where’d they come from! ... zoons! I can see through ’em! ... Tinkle, try a high dispersion Guan-o-bomb on that ..." (astrostatic) "... what the foo! ..." (astrostatic) "..." (more astrostatic) "...." (silence).

On Mad Luigi’s Lookout-o-phon there was now but one blip where there had been four...and it moved with the speed and spoor of an aerobus. The Terran ripped open a chewpacket of Chocopride and swallowed it whole. It would be a long journey to Mokus 5.

The Karmora Papers is Copyright ©1976,1993,1996 by Dennis Báthory Kitsz and David Gunn. All rights reserved. If you enjoy this book, an appreciation fee of any amount may be made to Dennis Báthory-Kitsz or David Gunn at Malted/Media Productions, 176 Cox Brook Road, Northfield VT 05663.

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