DELAYED CONQUEST

ith the advent of the soda-powered Sonic Detronizer, Mad Luigi was finally able to realize a life-long whim and launch an attack against Saturn. The ringed planet’s ano-atmosphere defenses were no longer a match for the unlikable Terran, who counted among his weapons the Molecular Mutation Miserizer (cross-patent 005342411). In addition, his arsenal on Venus was second or third to none in the galaxy. Defensively, the fortress featured a Biofeedback Disrupter, a forcefield of toxic waste products and, most horrid of all, the infamous Chaperone Clonezone, where 60 well-heeled automatons lurked ominously to act as tour guides to any unfortunate sentient beings who wandered too close to the facility. Most quickly succumbed to overexposure, but others -- particularly the cosmoaccountants -- not only survived but often signed on for employment there, selling insurance or addressing space envelopes.

Only one living entity had ever successfully crossed the Clonezone alone, the Wadk of 40-2p B system of Deneb, whose silicon molecular configuration was undetectable by the clones. The Wadk was done in by the forcefield, however, as it attempted to make a pass at a frozen mound of ejectamenta and was spurned for nine long Earth-years. (So much for building sand castles out of a Venusian toilet.)

With confidence oozing like a menstruating space sponge, Mad Luigi hovered high over Saturn, just out of range of the planet’s comparatively primitive surface-to-space missiles. The Saturnians had never gone in for extensive defensive measures because a remarkable natural forcefield emanating from the planet’s rings had, until now, effectively shielded out undesirables. In fact, the third planet had established talking colonies in ridiculously distant nebulae before technical chicanery had advanced far enough to diddle with this hard to figure phenomenon. But the Saturn folks hadn’t merely been lounging about during those years...far from it. They had evolved through all eight levels of telekinesis, teleportation, telegraphy, and supposedly even televisor repair training. Rumor had it that they could send unwelcome relatoids to Pluto without so much as batting a chewpore.

A commotion from the Scramble-o-phone distracted Mad Luigi. His new anti-communication device had intercepted a message from the Lunch County Development Center down on Saturn. Destined for the Likable Triple Cities on Mokus 5 in Andromeda, the signal normally would travel through third class space channels and arrive -- folded, stapled, but mostly intelligible -- in an Earth- week. But with the Scramble-o-phone’s unwitting interference, galactogenevic rules specified that the message must now be retransmitted at pneu-stellar speed (including Special Handling) which would rush the signal to its destination inside of an Earth-hour.

Furious but sporting, the testy Terran flung himself down on the floor of his armed space trawler, squashing many of the spacebugs which, up to now, had lived there in peace and harmony.

The Mokus 5 community represented an unknown factor to Mad Luigi, and since he was unable to decipher the message, he didn’t know what their interest might be in this minor planetary annulment. Better the conquest should begin early, so that by the time the communication was received, Saturn would be Terran territory.

With a flourish from the ano-trumpet and a groan from one of the dying bugs, Mad Luigi flashed a Sensory Six signal to his rented fleet of eight spaceships...and his historic onslaught began.

The Karmora Papers is Copyright ©1976,1993,1996 by Dennis Báthory Kitsz and David Gunn. All rights reserved. If you enjoy this book, an appreciation fee of any amount may be made to Dennis Báthory-Kitsz or David Gunn at Malted/Media Productions, 176 Cox Brook Road, Northfield VT 05663.

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