DEARA DI’RY

Whattya t’ink of dissa t’ing, hunh? Ya t’ink I woulda have lotsa gooda fun tryina make bigga nasty war inna dissa here universe. But no, hunh? Alla dose goddamma clones! Bigga ones, littla ones, inna-betweena ones! An’ dose femmy-clones! Mamma mia. One after anuddera, an’ notta one can maka beno antipasto. So, here’s awhat I’ma tryina do.

Back a coupla years ago, I was justa littla Luigi d’Astrotailor, sewin’ uppa metal seama here, a newlon cuffa dere, mebbe I maka coupla suitsa for dem goddamma Wadks, or besta t’ing, some cement overshoesa. Well, I talka to da bigga boss, an’ he makesa me a deal. He sezza me, "Hey you, Luigi, ya t’ink mebbe dissa universe is notta bigga enougha for all of us, huh, Luigi? Mebbe we maka littla place for ourselves onna Saturn or onna Uranusa orra sumpthin, huh, Luigi, whaddya say?"

So I’ma saya to him, "Hey, goddapoppa, mebbe you gotta gooda idea dere, ya gotta a really gooda idea dere."

So’s we getsa t’gedder downa t’astropizza parlor, wit’ da goddamma clones dat t’row too mucha da pepperoni inna witta da Sensory Seven pillsa, an’ we sezza t’da boys inna da backa room, "We gotta deal, enh? You buya coupla ships, we getta t’gedder da girls, an’ we have da biggest party dissa Sola System she’sa evera see." An’ dey sezza, sure.

So’s we go downa Honest Marvin da Used Astroblimpa Clone, an’ he giva us a niza gooda deal onna coupla hot astroblimps. An’ whattya t’ink, hesa t’row inna coupla prakically new spaca trolleys wit’ em! Costa us mebbe coupla t’ousan’ clams -- da bum evena took da smelly ones, ya believa dat?

So I’ma learna littla bit dem funny udder languages, we goesa up t’ da Wadks and we sezza dem, "Hey, ya tireda dissa humma-drumma lifa, hunh? Boy, hava we gotta deala for youse!" An’ we sells ’em onna coupla olda Giuseppe Namatano fielda plays, one or two classic useda Astrospoonsa, an’ a coupla dem cute vegetoidsa. So dey goesa for it, see, an’ we seals da deala by eatin’ a coupla boxes o’ dem exy-cracksas.

So along he’sa coma the Quand 12a. Whatta bum...ya know whatta bum issa? He’sa bumma. Ah, mamma mia, butta whatta kinda body! So dissa bumma witta body, he’sa tella ever’body whatta kinda duzypottsa guy issa dissa Luigi the Astrotailor. Notta justa say he’sa no good, but he’sa say he’sa craze! Me, Luigi Guandamorza, da littla guy inna da backa rooma witta needle, he callsa da Madda Luigi!

You t’inka dissa funny, hunh? And whattya t’ink I gotta put up witta dissa Truflins Cremora, too, dumma bitcha. Dissa maka me madda! Madda! So I feedsa alla my business associatesa to da Wadks, an’ tries ta suggest a coupla t’ings to a coupla peopla. So nows I gotta chasa dissa Quanda 12a all arounda goddamma placa. It alla maka me madda.

So you giva coupla kisses to Momma, I see you onna Mokusa Fiva.

    Luigi